Call Me a Fool
by spiritedarray
Summary: "If only we were the kind of people who could say 'thank you' instead of 'sorry'." One-shot. ShikaTema


**A/N: **Sooo I know I should be writing updates for my two ongoing fics or just finishing the dozens of drafts on my laptop BUT I discovered this song and fell head over heels in love. It's so beautiful and emotional and I was hit by a huge wave of inspiration, so here you go!

Highly recommend listening to it beforehand: "Call Me a Fool" by Perlo (all of their music is great, s/o to Spotify's algorithm for leading me to them)

Happy new year from me to you. Sorry it took so long. Happy 2020 x

_Inspired by:_ Call Me a Fool, Marriage Story, The Lady and Her Butler (paraphrased a line from this manhwa, see footnotes).

* * *

"So…what's going on with you guys?"

"Who? Shikamaru and me?" Her eyes flit over to the man in question for a brief moment; he's engaged in conversation with their friends, pretending he has places he'd rather be but she knows he values their company more than he'd ever admit. She smiles. "Really, we're just friends. We used to have a thing, but that was years ago."

"I see. So, let's say I asked you out…would he have a problem with it?"

Her attention snaps back to her colleague in front of her; only now does she grasp the suggestion, the intent in his eyes. This was the first time they'd seen each other outside of a work context—she'd invited him on a whim, at the last minute, feeling sorry for him. He'd just moved to the city for this new job, and as a result had no loved ones to spend the holiday season with. Truthfully, Temari was ready to bail on this holiday get-together Ino had organised, but seeing the loneliness in his body language as he traipsed through the office had reminded her not to take her friends for granted.

After all, she was in his position once; fresh off the train from Sunagakure, she remembered her first day well.

Well, more so the fact that it _didn't_ go well.

* * *

_"Something troubling you?"_

_She barely looks up from her martini. "First day at a new job."_

_"Not drinking to celebrate, by the looks of it." He picks up her glass briefly to wipe the surface underneath it. "Cheer up. I'm sure it wasn't that bad."_

_"My phone went off in the middle of a meeting with foreign officials and I accidentally shredded an important document we needed to close a deal next week. I'm gonna get fired before anyone even learns my name," she groans, hiding her face in her hands._

_"Relax. They can draw up another document. Phones go off now and then-"_

_"Not with a ringtone that sounds like whale sex noises."_

_He raises an eyebrow, then continues to clean the countertop. "Hey, whatever gets you going…"_

_"Shut up!" she laughs. "I have brothers. One of them, in particular, thinks practical jokes are still funny when you're twenty-four."_

_"Hey, there you go. You should do that more often."_

_"Do what?"_

_"Laugh," he says matter-of-factly. "It suits you."_

_"Thanks," she says cautiously. She has to admit; she does feel better. Maybe it's just the alcohol, but there's a part of her that wonders if he's flirting with her, and another part that wonders if that's really such a bad thing. Her last relationship ended a year and a half ago, it's been a good few months since she's had sex, and honestly, she could really do with a one-night stand just to get it out of her system. Forgetting about this shitty day would be a bonus._

_"So, you're twenty-four and already working in a big-shot company?" he asks. "That's impressive."_

_"Hardly," she replies, draining her glass and handing it to him. "My brother's twenty-four. I'm twenty-five and starting from square one again."_

_"How come?"_

_"I used to work in sales and trading back in Sunagakure, which was good money, but people hated me and I kind of grew to hate myself, too. So I went back to school and switched careers and now I'm a diplomat, or at least, I'm trying to be. It might be over after today."_

_"Surely the people in that job have to be somewhat understanding and compassionate?" he offers, putting another drink out in front of her._

_"I damn well hope so." She lifts the glass, but just before it touches her lips, she asks, "How much?"_

_"It's on the house," he shrugs. "Even if they don't want you there, you're always welcome in Konoha."_

_She smiles. "Glad to hear it, because honestly, I was terrified of moving to a new city."_

_"Don't be. Have you made any friends yet?"_

_"Does my old lady neighbour count?"_

_He chuckles, shaking his head. "No. But if you're hungry, why don't we go for some ramen after my shift's over?" Quickly, he adds, "Not a date. My friends and I were going to go anyway, so you're welcome to tag along."_

_"You're sure I wouldn't be intruding?"_

_"Yeah, they don't bite. Well, Kiba might, but he was always a bit of a loose cannon," he grins. "I'm Shikamaru Nara, by the way." He throws his cleaning cloth over his shoulder and extends a hand._

_She shakes it graciously. "Hello, Shikamaru Nara. I'm Temari."_

* * *

"No, he wouldn't have a reason to."

Her companion smiles. "Good. Because I'd love to take you out for dinner, as a thank-you for inviting me tonight."

"I'd like that."

"How's next Thursday, at seven?"

"Works for me. I'll text you my address."

"Great." He takes a swig of his beer as his eyes scan the room. "Your friends all seem really nice."

"They are," she affirms. She's looking at them now, too, one in particular. _Friends_.

* * *

_A wolf-whistle is heard as they enter the restaurant. "Who's this?" someone barks, laughing raucously._

_He ignores him and says to her, "That's Kiba."_

_"I figured."_

_"Hey guys," Shikamaru greets the group as they close in on their table. "This is Temari. I met her…at work."_

_"It's nice to meet you, Temari," a girl with pale blonde hair and bright blue eyes smiled. "I'm Ino. So you're a bartender, too?"_

_"Oh, no. I'm a diplomat."_

_She looks at Shikamaru, confused._

_"She was at the bar while I was working."_

_"Ahh, so you picked her up?" Kiba winks. "That's so _unlike _you, Shikamaru."_

_"Don't listen to him," Ino rolls her eyes. "Your first time at this restaurant?"_

_"It's my first time in Konoha, actually."_

_"Oh, great! You'll have to let me show you around, sometime!" she beams. "Anyway, this place is great. We always come here when we've got a free moment."_

_"How do you all know each other?"_

_"Our families are close," another voice answers. "I'm Choji."_

_"Nice to meet you."_

_"Well, Ino, Choji and I have been together since we were born. The rest of them…Kiba, Hinata, Shino, Naruto, Sakura, Lee, Tenten…" Shikamaru lists, indicating the individuals sitting at the table as he goes, "…all went to the same school as us."_

_"Wow. So you've all been in each other's lives a long time, then."_

_"Mm."_

_"No getting rid of us just yet, Shikamaru!" Ino giggles, pinching one of his cheeks._

_Temari smiles. She could tell this gaggle of friends were bonded for life; they had grown up together, and probably felt more like brothers and sisters than classmates. She had never maintained a relationship with anyone for that long, to the point where they would still regularly eat together years into adulthood._

_She wanted so badly to be a part of it._

_"What are you all doing now?"_

_"Most of us just graduated from college, so we're just trying to find work. Shikamaru's working as a bartender for the summer to help pay for his Master's."_

_"Oh? In what?"_

_"Political science."_

_"Those two words sound like they don't belong together."_

"_Oh, they definitely don't."_

_His friends exchange a knowing look._

_"You see, Temari, Shikamaru's really smart," Ino grins, grabbing her friend by her shoulders. "He was our valedictorian."_

_"He's got a great sense of humour, too," Choji affirms, ruffling his friend's ponytail. "We're always laughing at something he's said."_

_Kiba decides to chime in, as well. "And you know, Temari, I hear he's great in bed-"_

_"Alright, that's enough," Shikamaru snaps. "She's new to the city and I just wanted her to have some people she could hang out with. That's all. Can we please just order some food and have a normal conversation?" He turns to the woman next to him. "Sorry about them. They're decent people, usually."_

_"That's okay," she laughs. "It's nice that they're looking out for you like that."_

* * *

"It's getting late; I think I'm gonna head home. I'll see you at work on Monday."

"Where do you live? Maybe I can walk you."

"Oh, there's no need. I live just around the corner from here. I'm going to use the bathroom first, anyway."

"Okay. See you on Monday." He leans in to kiss her on the cheek.

"See you."

As she heads in the direction of the toilet, a familiar face catches her eye. Shortly after she returns, she says goodbye to Ino and the group, feeling his eyes on her all the while.

"Thanks for coming, Temari," Ino smiles. "Let's have lunch together soon, okay?"

"Of course," she replies, giving her friend a hug. "Bye, everyone!"

After a chorus of farewells, Shikamaru stands to leave.

"I think I'm gonna go, too."

* * *

"You didn't have to walk me home, you know."

"It's on the way."

They both know that's a lie.

When they reach her door, he turns to face her. "It's a shame we didn't have a chance to catch up this evening."

"You were always talking with the group."

"You were always in the corner with that guy."

She pauses. "'_That guy_' is my new colleague, and he needed to make some friends."

"Ah. Just like when we first met."

"Exactly."

"Although we both know how that went."

* * *

_"You didn't have to walk me home, you know."_

_"It's on the way."_

_"Really? Where do you live?"_

_"That's awfully personal."_

_"Hey! You know where I live, now. That's not fair."_

_"Well, next time you can walk me home."_

_"Deal." She turns the key in the lock. "Would you like to come inside for some tea?"_

_He pauses. "It's late. You've had a long first day…I don't want to interfere."_

_"And inviting me to meet your friends wasn't interfering?" she laughs. "I've had a really shit day. But as they say, misery loves company."_

_He smiles and, without another word, follows her inside._

_"Nice apartment," he comments, somewhat sarcastically, planting himself on the sofa in the middle of an otherwise bare living room._

_"Thanks. Not all the furniture's arrived yet, but at least I have somewhere to sit," she muses. "What kind of tea would you like?"_

_"Earl grey, if you have it."_

_That catches her off-guard. Not that she really knew what she was expecting, but earl grey seems too…middle-aged. He looks like the kind of young professional that needs coffee in an IV, if only to make him look mildly interested in what anyone has to say because he definitely hasn't gotten enough sleep the night before and he certainly doesn't care enough to pretend otherwise. It is now that she notices how dark his eyes are, even as he looks on in boredom at the blankness of her walls; there is nothing warm or light about his gaze._

_"Here."_

_"Thanks."_

_She sits next to him on the sofa and leaves her own tea to brew on the coffee table. "So, valedictorian, huh?"_

_"High school's not that hard. It's not an achievement by any means."_

_"Being 'funny' is a pretty high compliment, though. No 'Class Clown' yearbook honour?"_

_"Nah, Naruto won that one."_

_"And are you really that good in bed?"_

_He nearly chokes on his tea._

_"I mean, in all honesty, I'm more curious as to how Kiba of all people knows that," she smirks._

_"He's just an idiot who buys into rumours. Don't trust anything he says."_

_"So I should believe you're bad in bed?"_

_"Christ, you shouldn't be thinking about how I am in bed at all," he laughs, though his voice betrays some nervousness._

_"Shikamaru Nara must be pretty good for it to not only be an open secret, but a defining aspect of his personality, according to his friends."_

_"What's it to you?" He puts his mug on the table._

_"It's just interesting, that's all. We only met tonight and this is one of the first things I learn about you."_

_"And what impression does it give you?"_

_She thinks for a moment. "A good one." Then she murmurs, "But first impressions don't count for anything-"_

_Before she knows it, he's captured her lips with his and his hands are moving through her hair, down her back, around her waist. She melts into his touch, kissing him with equal ferocity, hooking her arms around his neck and pulling him close to her. Soon, they are caught in a tangle of heat and limbs and touch._

_When clothes lay abandoned on the floor and he asks her if she's on birth control, she simply flashes a smile, so bright it almost dazzles him._

_"I've done my part," she grins, looking pointedly at him._

_He pulls some protection out of the pocket of his jeans, then throws them across the room and prepares himself. She chuckles impatiently._

_"The tea's getting cold, Shikamaru."_

* * *

"I'm not going to sleep with him, if that's what you're implying."

"You know that's not all we did."

"Still, what makes you think it's a repeat of us?"

"The way you looked at him when you talked."

"But I'm here with you, aren't I?"

That he'll concede.

"So what happens now?"

"We're going to say goodnight, I'm going to go inside, and you're going to walk in the opposite direction back to your house-"

"I meant with him."

"Well," she begins, unlocking her door and stepping inside. "I don't think that's your business anymore."

She closes the door behind her before he has a chance to say goodnight.

* * *

_"So?"_

_She's barely had a minute to breathe, and already he's confusing her with a one-worded question. "So what?"_

_"So, was I good in bed?"_

_She can't help but laugh. "You really want me to evaluate you now, Shikamaru Nara?"_

_"Do you have to use my full name?"_

_"You're the one who wants an evaluation."_

_"Your curiosity is what got us here in the first place."_

_"You made the first move."_

_"You were flirting with me all night long."_

_"So were you."_

_"Touché." He folds his arms behind his head. "I assumed this was you wanting to find out for yourself. It's only right, for the sake of all my future lovers, that I get your honest feedback."_

_"All your future lovers?" she smirks. "I'm just one of the masses?"_

_"How do you think I got this reputation in the first place?"_

_"Gross."_

_"I'm kidding. I don't sleep around. I'm a self-described monogamist. Kiba only said what he said because we used to be roommates, so when my girlfriend and I…were together, he would always hear it."_

_"Ah…so he _literally _heard you were great in bed," she muses. "Well, he must be pretty glad that's over."_

_"Well, yes and no…see, my girlfriend was his sister."_

_"Oh. I meant now that you're not living together, but yikes, that must've been a fun situation nonetheless. Bad breakup?"_

_"Not really. She was a couple of years older than me; in the end, she kind of outgrew me, which is fair enough. She wanted to move in together and get serious and all that, but I was still in college, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life." Suddenly he stops himself and apologises. "Sorry. I don't know why I'm telling you any of this."_

_"No, it's fine. I'm amazed it didn't create a huge mess with Kiba."_

_"I mean, I can't say it didn't hurt, and things were weird for a while. But it's been about two years since so everything's normal again."_

_"Two years…how old are you, exactly?"_

_"Twenty-two. Does it matter?"_

_"No, but it seems you have a type."_

_"And what's that?"_

_"Older women."_

_He snorts. "You're what, three years older than me? Does that matter to you?"_

_"Not at all. Sex is sex."_

_"Would it matter if we were in a relationship?"_

_She shrugs. "Maybe. After all, that's what ended your last relationship."_

_"Yeah, but our age gap was twice as big."_

_"Six years?"_

_"Uh-huh."_

_"Wow. Maturity gets you going, huh?"_

_"I wouldn't say that. You and I don't look any different in age. If you hadn't told me when we first met, I never would've guessed."_

_"So what was it about me that made you want to sleep with me, then?"_

_He thinks. "Your eyes."_

_"Huh?"_

_"I've never seen anything like them. It was intriguing." Then he adds, "And each time you looked at me…they became increasingly suggestive. Magnetic. I knew you wanted it as well, because beautiful as your eyes are, they totally sell you out."_

_"Well, fuck," she mutters. "Guess I've gotta work on that."_

_He lets his hand fall beneath the covers and slide up the side of her torso to her breast. "They worked in your favour tonight," he murmurs._

_"Mm."_

_He presses his lips against her neck and slowly works his way up to her jawline, towards her mouth._

_She asks him questions between kisses._

_"How long were you and Kiba's sister together for?"_

_"About a year."_

_"Was she your first girlfriend?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Your first time?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Your first kiss?"_

_"No. That was Ino."_

_"Woah! Something went on between you?"_

_"Tch, no. It happened during a dumb game of spin the bottle in seventh grade. Now would you stop talking and let me kiss you instead, damn it?"_

_That elicits a laugh. "Sure."_

* * *

"Seven o'clock; right on time."

"You look beautiful, Temari."

"Thanks. You clean up nicely, yourself."

"Ready to go?"

"Ready as I'll ever be."

* * *

_"I figured we'd be up all night, but not in this sense."_

_"Yeah. Who knew sex involved so much talking?"_

_She punches him in the arm jokingly. "I'm surprised you didn't fall asleep immediately. Both times."_

_"Hey, I'm not seventeen anymore. I have a little more stamina now."_

_She smiles, knowing he's referring to the first blowjob he received when he was seventeen, that took so much out of his sexually frustrated teenage body that he fell asleep right there and then on the edge of his bed with the poor girl still on her knees in front of him. This is the Shikamaru that never woke up before noon on a weekend, the Shikamaru that lost his dad when he entered high school, the Shikamaru that didn't turn up to half his college classes because he was smart enough to graduate without them._

_"Speaking of, you never answered me. Am I good in bed?"_

_She laughs. "The best I've ever had."_

* * *

"Is everything okay? You seem a little…distracted."

"Oh, it's nothing," she says casually. "Just a long day at work, that's all."

"Tell me about it. Was it tough when you started, too?"

"I didn't think I'd last a week," she admits. "But it's not so bad."

"Pays well."

"That's for sure." She puts her napkin on the table and moves to stand. "If you'll excuse me, I'm just going to the bathroom."

When she gets there, she hovers over the sink, leaning forward with her hands gripping the basin tightly to steady herself. It's hot in here, and she feels like she might fall over if she lets go. This night was a bad idea from the start, but she's only made it worse by mixing four glasses of wine in with an already suffocating, mind-numbing conversation.

She needs to breathe, to release. So she pulls her phone out of her bag in a moment of weakness, hits the first button on her speed dial and waits.

Not even two rings pass before he speaks.

"Hello?"

"Hi."

A pause.

"Temari, what's wrong?"

"Why do you assume something's wrong?"

"Because if something were right, you'd be at my door instead."

She sighs, because she knows he's right. Not because good news propels her to sleep with him, because it doesn't; rather, he is the only person who she knows has always wanted the best for her, and therefore is the only person who has always been truly, sincerely happy for her.

She likes confirming it when she sees his face.

But here, now, she doesn't want to make eye contact.

"I'm on a date."

"Him?"

"Yes."

He sighs. "I don't know why I asked. That's not something I ever want to know." Suddenly, he adds, "Shit, did he do something? Tell me where you are, I'll be right there-"

"No, Shikamaru, I'm fine. Relax."

"Tell yourself that, Tem, your voice sounds crazed. What was I supposed to think?"

"I'm sorry."

"Whatever, I need to get back to my Thursday night plans-"

"No, I'm sorry about everything."

Silence.

"Everything that happened between us...the way I treated you, the way we fell apart. I'm really sorry, Shikamaru."

A beat. Then, "You should get back to your date."

"I know," she acknowledges. "You've got plans."

"Yeah."

She, of course, wants to know what they are.

But there is nothing that attaches them; not the expectations of a relationship, nor the closeness of a friendship, or even the reliability of a colleague. For all intents and purposes, they are nothing to each other.

So she can't ask.

She doesn't have the right to anymore.

"Well, goodnight." She hangs up the phone.

She puts it on the counter, fixes her hair and pulls herself together.

A moment later, her phone rings again. She picks up without needing to check who it is.

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry, too." _Click._

* * *

_"We probably shouldn't do that again, though."_

_"Yeah. Seems like such a waste, though, to give up the best you've ever had."_

_"Shut up," she mutters. "Don't get too cocky."_

_"That's the plan."_

_She elbows him in the ribs._

_"Ow, ow, take a joke, woman!" he grumbles. "Would it make you feel better if I said you're the best I've ever had, too?"_

_"Would you be telling the truth?"_

_"It depends. Do you like me?"_

_"Of course I like you, Shikamaru. I don't do this with people I don't like."_

_He looks at her seriously. "You know what I mean."_

_She sighs. "It doesn't matter if I like you or not. This isn't becoming anything more than what it is."_

_"And what is it?"_

_"What's with the interrogation, Shikamaru Nara? Are you asking because you like me too and you want to see how far you can push-"_

_"Ah, so you do like me."_

Fuck_, she thinks to herself. "Fine. Let's say that I like you. Does that change anything?"_

_"No," he says, although the corners of his mouth creep up into a smirk. "You were by far the best I've ever had. Just wanted to make sure we were on the same page."_

_"You're an ass," she mutters, but her voice suggests she's not all that mad._

_"Maybe that's why you like me," he teases._

_"I can tell you now, and definitively, that it isn't," she huffs._

_"Then why?"_

_"I'm not answering any more of these dumb trick questions, Nara."_

_"Then at least hear me out: I think we should try it, you know. Us."_

_"Oh? And why's that?"_

_"Because you and I would make a devastating couple, don't you think?"_

_"That's an interesting choice of adjective."_

_"I'm serious; we'd have it all."_

_"…or we'd end up with nothing."_

_"Well, isn't it worth the risk?"_

* * *

"Thank you for tonight," she smiles as they step outside of the restaurant. "I'm sorry if I seemed a little absent-minded at times. It's not a reflection of your company at all, I'm just not very good at these things."

"As in, dating?"

She thinks about it. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Is that why you and Shikamaru Nara broke up?"

"I'd rather not discuss my past relationships on a first date, if that's alright," she says lightly.

"Sorry. Does that mean a second date on the cards?"

"Maybe, if you play them right."

"In that case, may I walk you back to your apartment?"

She smiles at his gentleman's courtesy. "That's very kind of you, but I'll be fine getting back by myself." To reassure him that she isn't rebuffing his advances entirely, she carefully places a kiss on his unprepared lips before walking away. "Goodnight."

"G-goodnight," he manages after her, watching her disappear into the night.

* * *

When she rounds the corner of her building, she sees him.

He's leaning against her door, cigarette hanging lazily between his lips, eyes gazing aimlessly at the street in front of him before he notices her and stands up a little straighter. He takes the cigarette between his fingers and exhales, eyes locking with hers as streams of smoke escape his mouth.

"You know I hate it when you do that," she says flatly as she approaches, arms crossed.

"We're not together anymore," he shrugs. "It's not my problem if you hate it."

"It is when you're outside my apartment and the smell is sticking to my door." She plucks it from his hand and drops it on the ground, stubbing it out with the heel of her shoe. His eyes follow.

"How was your date?" he asks plainly, examining her outfit.

"Good."

"You didn't bring him back, after all."

"It was the first date."

"That didn't matter when it came to us."

"We were different," she says, realising afterwards that she answered too quickly. "We never really had a first date. So? What happened to your Thursday night plans?"

"This is it."

"What?"

"You're here. Let's talk," he says matter-of-factly, turning to face the door and gesturing for her to open it.

"You're unbelievable," she mutters, but starts fishing around in her bag for her keys anyway. "What if I _had_ brought him back? What the hell was he gonna think if we came to my door and you were just standing here, as if you own the place?"

"Tem," he says seriously. "The moment you called me while on a date with this guy, we both knew you weren't going home with him."

"That doesn't explain your fictional evening plans."

"There was nothing fictional about them. You called, I knew you wanted to talk about something. So here we are…plans."

She hates that he knows her so well, still talks so smoothly, acts so confident and self-righteous. Every conversation with him is like a game of shogi, and he's always a few steps ahead of her. Hell, he always has her in check. She's never even come close to winning.

But she hasn't really lost yet, either.

She turns the key in the lock and they enter the darkness of her apartment. It's been a while since he was here, but the smell is intimately familiar and he knows where the sofa is even before his eyes have adjusted or she's turned on the light.

"Earl grey?"

"Always."

They don't talk as she prepares it; the light is on, and she can see him, but he has his back to her as he sits on the sofa and contemplates the patterned wallpaper, the new books on the shelves, the space where the framed photographs of them once were. He wonders whether she's put them away, or replaced the pictures, or thrown them out altogether. Whatever the case may be, she's done a thorough job of erasing any evidence of their relationship from her apartment.

When it was _their_ apartment.

"You're not drinking?" he asks, as she sets down a single mug of tea on the coffee table in front of him.

"Wine for me," she replies, returning to the kitchen briefly for a bottle of red and a glass. "I have a feeling it'll help."

"In that case, I'll join you."

"Not until you finish your tea," she quips, indicating his mug as she pours her own drink.

"It's too hot."

"Patience is a virtue, Shikamaru."

* * *

"Bullshit. I don't buy it."

"Shikamaru-"

"No one calls their ex while they're on a date with someone else unless they've got something meaningful to say. If you're really as over me as you say you are, you would've been able to wait an hour until you were alone."

"I just wanted to apologise! I didn't want to start something new until I knew I'd tied up all the loose ends with us."

"You didn't seem to extend that courtesy to all the other people you've been with since we broke up."

"That was different. I was never in a place to commit to someone again, but now, after all this time, I think I might finally be ready for another relationship. But how can I begin to invest myself in someone else when it feels like we haven't ended?"

He doesn't respond.

"I don't love you anymore, Shikamaru. I don't want us to get back together, or anything like that. I just want to know that you're okay, and you forgive me, and we can leave the past in the past."

He swallows hard. "I'm not a kid, Temari. I'm not gonna hold a grudge or cling onto something that happened three years ago."

"Then why did you show up at my door? We both said sorry over the phone. Why drag it out in person?"

"Because I _knew_ you had more to say. You still do. And if you don't tell me now, then this cycle's just gonna repeat itself. Every few months one of us will end up calling the other, mumbling some half-hearted nonsense that only generates more questions than answers. I want to save us both that time, that energy, that pain. For your sake. For my sanity."

"Fine." She takes a deep breath. "I'm sorry I was always walking on eggshells about our relationship. For never being honest with people, for being too proud to admit that I was in love with you. I was a coward, and I didn't treat you the way you deserved because of it. You were so good to me, but I could never give you what you wanted and I hurt you time and time again, just kept throwing punches without even realising. And in the end, we were so unhappy, but I was selfish and I wanted to be in control of something that was already crumbling, so I made it my decision whether or not we stayed together. The timing was never right and I didn't know what the hell I was doing because truthfully, you were the first person I really loved and it scared the shit out of me. I made a mess of it all. That's it. That's everything I've been meaning to say to you since…we broke up."

A moment passes.

"No."

"No?" she says incredulously, disbelieving that that could be his only response to her lengthy profession.

"No, I'm not accepting your apology."

She's momentarily taken aback, then snaps. "Why the fuck not?"

"Because I sure as hell don't agree with this insinuation that it was only a matter of time before we broke up, that it was inevitable because we're 'fundamentally different people' or shit like that. You make me out to be some helpless, adoring boyfriend who let his girlfriend walk all over him, and honestly, I'm kind of offended. I mean, fuck, don't I deserve a little more credit? I have more self-respect than that, Temari. We both made mistakes and we didn't try hard enough to save it. It's not all about you, and all these neuroses that you think were inherent to why we're not together anymore. I had a say in what happened to us, too, and there were a lot of things I could've done or done better. Don't act like we were doomed to failure before we even gave it a chance."

"I wasn't cut out for dating anyone, it had nothing to do with you."

"Don't you realise what you're doing to me, Tem?" he says, lost, pleading. "You're making me feel like I wasn't special to you, like I was never important. I didn't want to be just 'anyone' to you, for God's sake. By taking the blame for everything, it's like telling me there was nothing I could do, because I was just like everyone else. I couldn't be the anomaly that changed your mind. And that hurts, because if you claim that I'm the first person you ever loved and you haven't had anything serious since, that means I'm the only person who should've been able to; and I wonder if someone else comes along, like _him_, and you have this magical epiphany about life and love, that you'll eventually come to the conclusion that I was never really that special at all."

She nearly grabs him by the collar with all the anger she feels, but instead her fists clench into the fabric of the sofa. "Shikamaru," she breathes lowly. "Is that honestly what you think of me? That I would go to such great lengths to say fucking _sorry_ to you, only to treat our relationship like it was _nothing_? That I'd be so cruel as to completely disregard the way you felt for me, and even more so the way _you _made me _feel_?"

"That's what it sounded like."

"Well, you're wrong," she hisses. "I can't believe you'd…I just…fuck. What the _fuck_, Shikamaru? I loved the _hell_ out of you. So much so that I'm terrified I'll never get to feel that way again about anyone, and here you are worrying that someone else is gonna walk into my life and make me think _we_ were a waste of a time. Don't you _dare_ think for even a second that you didn't matter to me, because for two fucking years, Shikamaru Nara, you were the only thing that mattered."

He silently assimilates her words.

She doesn't know whether she wants to laugh or cry.

"God. Who's helpless and adoring, now?" she muses pathetically to herself, shielding her face from view in embarrassment. When she eventually looks up, perturbed by the fact that he remains speechless, she catches his gaze and notices there's something different about it now. There is no resentment, no frustration, no anger. Just an empty resignation.

"I wish you could've figured all of that out three years ago."

It feels like she's just broken his heart all over again, or maybe he's breaking hers this time. Whatever the case, it's clear neither of them is masochistic enough to endure it twice.

"Do you really think it would've changed anything?"

"I think we'd have given ourselves a better chance."

A breath.

_He's definitely doing the breaking tonight._

"You should go," she whispers, face turned away from him. "Please."

He nods and rises, making his way towards the door. Just before he opens it, he stops and stays there with his back to her.

"I know anything I say at this point is meaningless, because you'll decide for yourself whether it means something or something else," he begins. "But you, Temari, can't hide anything behind those eyes…and while I believe you don't want us to get back together, I don't believe _all_ of your feelings are past tense and past tense only. If you want to correct me…"

He gives it a minute. Not a sound emerges from the sofa behind him.

"…as I thought." He leaves then, without a backwards glance.

* * *

_"I'm just tired of all the travelling," Choji mutters through a mouthful of barbecued meat. "Long-distance is hard. You're so lucky, Shikamaru! Never having to wait months to see Temari. She moved here before you guys even met. Saved a lot of trouble in the long run."_

_"Choji!" Ino hisses as their friend remains silent across the table._

_"What?" Choji queries, oblivious to the shift in atmosphere. "They won't even have to think about who's moving where when they get married_—_"_

_"We broke up."_

_His words cut through the air like a knife through butter; the only thing that stops his best friend from doing a double-take is all the food in his mouth._

_"She left," Shikamaru says, voice devoid of emotion. "Went back to Suna."_

_"If you would just learn to stop talking with your mouth full, we wouldn't have this problem," Ino grumbles to a very sheepish Choji sitting next to her._

_"How was I supposed to know?" he whispers back._

_"It's fine," Shikamaru shrugs. "I'm fine."_

_"It's okay if you miss her, Shikamaru," Ino says softly. "You were together for two years."_

_"I don't think she misses me."_

_"That's not true."_

_"How would you know?" Shikamaru snaps all of a sudden, chopsticks clattering on the tabletop. "Have you talked to her recently? Have you_ ever_ been a serious relationship? You always think you're some relationship guru, sticking your nose into other people's lives and assuming you know the full story. And here you are, trying to protect me and sugarcoat it and tell me it's all going to be okay. What if it isn't? What if I sit here, unable to get over her, watching her love other people, while she moves on and forgets about me entirely? What if this shitty situation doesn't magically work itself out?"_

_"Shikamaru..." Choji murmurs. "That was uncalled for."_

_"No," Ino disagrees, to everyone's surprise. "He needed to get that off his chest. Now he knows what's actually bothering him."_

_Shikamaru sighs. "I just didn't realise I could love someone like that."_

_"Not when you were with Hana?"_

_"No. I think that was more freshman infatuation. I liked the idea of having a girlfriend."_

_"Or the idea of having regular sex," Ino rolls her eyes._

_Well, she wasn't exactly wrong. "It never felt equal; I was just a boy when I was with her. I couldn't be the person she needed."_

_"And Temari?"_

_He smiles for the first time since their breakup. "She made me better. But I guess 'better' still wasn't good enough in the end."_

* * *

"Temari?" he murmurs, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, blinking a few times to check he really isn't dreaming. He turns and looks at the clock in his living room. "It's two in the morning—"

"Don't think about this."

Without missing a step, her lips are on his and he's resistant from shock at first, but then he's conceding and letting her do what she wants because truthfully, he wants it, too.

He is kissing her with a mutual hunger; a desperate sadness, attempting to fill some sort of void with what unquestionable desire they still have for each other. She is warm and yielding and giving the pieces of herself to him; and somehow this feels like healing, even though they both know that couldn't be farther from the truth.

But as abruptly as it began, she shoves against him, pushing him into the wall as her own arms recoil around her body, as if to hold herself together.

"I'm sorry," she whispers. "I shouldn't have come here."

Her voice is pained and pains him and he just wants her to stop hurting so he kisses her mouth, the cheeks where her tears are falling, the neck she's shrinking into to avoid the physical vulnerability. He doesn't leave her room to tell him about her sadness. His hands meet her waist by instinct and he presses her close enough to forget where he ends and she begins; and she is like butter, soft and forgiving and melting into his touch.

* * *

She doesn't fall asleep afterwards.

Instead she turns and looks at him, observes the gentle expression she used to face every night and wonders how he can sleep like this, as if they'd gone back in time and now was before. She can't bear it.

His eyelashes flutter in his slumber, oblivious. "I don't mean to keep hurting you."

She wonders if she should stay until morning and explain herself, or sneak out like the coward she knows she is. It's too late anyway; she's already entangled herself in his life again. If there is even a little part of her that wants to prove she's more mature or responsible than she feels, then at least she owes him a goodbye when he wakes up.

"Don't," he suddenly mumbles, and she's worried that she stirred him. But his body is still completely relaxed, a hand rested near her cheek from when he'd stroked it in the afterglow, full of longing and a love she didn't deserve. Eyes closed, unaware, he continues, "Don't, Tem."

Her heart stills. _Don't what? Don't stay? Don't go?_

_Don't hurt me, then?_

"What am I supposed to do?" she asks his unconscious, dreaming form. She knows this was a mistake - and yet, the bigger, more selfish part of her can't help but think about how right, how familiar this feels.

* * *

The sun pours in through a crack in the curtains, half-blinding him in the morning.

He instinctively reaches for her but she is gone, and for a split-second he panics; though his fears are quickly assuaged when he hears her voice mutter softly somewhere on the other side of the door.

"I'm fine," he hears her mumble, and gathers she's on the phone to someone. "Sorry, I've been meaning to call."

_One of her brothers, perhaps?_

"No, no, it's not you...I just needed some space. You'll have to bear with me, I'm still getting used to the idea of dating again."

He shoots upright.

_It's him._

_It has to be._

"Tonight? Ah..." she pauses. "I don't know..."

"Temari."

She's circling the kitchen counter, phone pressed intently to her ear, when Shikamaru throws open the bedroom door and stands there, half-dressed, in the doorframe. He stares her down and she suddenly feels very small under his discerning gaze, not helped by the fact that she is only wearing a t-shirt.

"I'll call you later," she says quietly, hanging up and placing her phone on the counter, trying to guess what emotion lies behind his dark eyes. "I didn't realise you were up, Shikamaru-"

"You're still dating him?" he interrupts, walking in.

She nods slowly. "More in the sense that we never formally broke up."

"But you're going to see him? Laugh with him, kiss him, make love to him, when you were in my bed this morning?" he spits out, knuckles white on the edge of the kitchen island. _This is so fucked up_.

"Don't jump to conclusions," she says quietly. "I have to think things through."

"Are you _hearing yourself_, Tem?" he fires back. "You jumped me at two in the fucking morning, and _now _you need to think things through? So what, you just needed to get it out of your system? Use me and then sleep with someone else less than twenty-four hours later? Do you make it your life's work to shit all over my feelings?"

She sighs in defeat. "Shikamaru, you know how I feel. You know that for me, nothing has been the same since. I keep running, keep trying to find ways to fill that hole, and the only thing that remotely comes close is seeing you again. I'm holding a lot of sadness these days, and being with you is the only way to make that feel lighter."

"Then be with me," he says, resolute. "Let's both stop pretending to feel any less than we do."

"We broke up for a reason."

"A stupid reason, three years ago," he reminds her. "Maybe it just wasn't the right time for us back then, or we were too young, or something like that. But we're here now, Tem. We're not so young anymore, and we're not getting any younger, either. And if three years have passed and we haven't moved an inch from where we stood back then, still mad and in love with each other, then why are we fighting this?"

"I'm trying to move, damn it!" she hisses. "I'm trying to move on from you, I've been trying for years. But wherever I look, you're always there, and it hurts, Shikamaru. I don't want to see you with anyone else, but I don't want to see you, either. I can't keep being the person that hurts you again and again."

A sigh. Resignation.

"You're right." He sits down, leaning his forearms on the counter. "I just don't think I can get over you, Tem, not while you're here at least. So long as you're here, I've never even tried."

"Maybe I should go back to Suna."

"Maybe."

She looks at him. "I find it hard to believe you didn't try to start something new in the three years since we broke up."

"I've been busy finishing my PhD."

"Ino told me you were dating that girl who used to be on your research program all those years ago. Shiho?"

"We just got back in touch after I asked her about an interview we did way back when, that's all," he shrugs. "We hung out a few times after work. She expressed her interest, but I politely turned her down."

"How come?"

"She was really polite and kind and selfless," he replies. "Not at _all_ my type."

She laughs. "Asshole."

"Talk dirty to me."

"Really? No one?"

"I slept with people, sure. I drunk-dialled Hana once. But no, I didn't bother with anything that could've jeopardised whatever potential we still had."

She's glad he's saying these things so she doesn't have to.

"I'll start packing tomorrow."

He nods, rising as she rounds the counter. "Okay."

"I'll quit my job."

"Okay," he repeats as she walks closer.

"I'll say goodbye to our friends."

"Tomorrow?" He pulls her waist into his, lips brushing.

"Tomorrow," she murmurs in agreement.

* * *

"You're leaving?!" Ino exclaims from the other side of the table.

"It's for the best," Temari insists. "Konoha was always a temporary arrangement. I miss Suna; I miss my family."

He knows she's using these blanket statements for convenience, but it hurts him all the same.

"What about your job?"

"The flexibility of it has finally paid off," Temari smiles. "Instead of representing Suna in Konoha, I can simply reverse it and work in the Konoha embassy in Suna. I'd like to think I know this place well enough, after all these years."

"Yeah, you're one of us by now," Tenten nods, trying to hold back tears.

"We're really gonna miss you, Temari," Hinata chokes.

"Oh, no," she half-laughs. "You guys can't cry. Please don't. If you cry, I'll convince myself I should stay."

"You should," Shikamaru suddenly interjects, stunning the whole table. Then, he adds, "All of your friends are here."

As the rest of the group try to establish what dynamic is at play here, Temari whispers through welling eyes, "I'm really going to miss you all, too."

"You're sure you don't want to give this a go?" Kiba posits one last time, winking.

She laughs. "You'll be especially missed, Kiba." She rises from her chair. "Thank you everyone, for the last five years. Truly, these have been the best of my life, thanks to all of you." Raising a glass, she announces, "To Konoha."

"Cheers!"

* * *

"I'm going to say it one more time," he announces into the stillness of the night as they walk back to her apartment, beers in hand.

"Don't."

"Exactly. _Don't_," he repeats. "Don't go back. Don't fight this."

"I don't want to hurt you."

"Don't hurt me, then." Hearing him say it aloud throws her a little off-balance, though the alcohol certainly isn't helping. Those midnight murmurs recur in her mind; she wonders if this was how he had ended his sentences in his dreams. "_This_," he emphasises, gesturing to the entire situation of her leaving, "is what's going to hurt. And not just me, Tem. Everyone here who cares about you."

"It's just a temporary pain. Like ripping off a plaster; it'll sting at first, but it's better than something long and drawn-out."

"Why do you think it'll be temporary?" he asks. "Konoha's your home too, you know. You've been here so long that we're all going to feel your absence."

"I never really belonged here, Shikamaru. I've always been a visitor. Ever since that first day on the job, I've been very aware that as much as I love this town, I could never call it my own. And really, that's okay. Meeting you made it feel like home, if only for a little while. I'm thankful for that."

He smiles sadly at her as they reach her door. "You're killing me, Tem."

"You've always been the life and death of me, Nara, and you know it."

"Can I see you off at the gates tomorrow?"

"I don't think that would be smart, ironic as that sounds," she half-smiles at the genius opposite her.

"Probably not. But so long as we're not being smart, can I at least come inside?"

"Honestly, I don't think you'll want to," she mumbles sheepishly. "It's pretty bare in there. I'm sleeping on an air mattress tonight."

* * *

His breath comes, heaving, as she slowly peels herself off of him and lands with a thud to his side.

"Honestly, the floor would've been a more comfortable place to fuck," she says, still gasping slightly.

"We might as well have," he replies, rapping his knuckles against the wooden floor through the flimsy casing of the air mattress. "This thing deflated within about three minutes of foreplay."

She rolls her eyes in the darkness. "_As if_ you could make that happen in three minutes."

"Is that a challenge?"

"We'd have to blow up the air mattress again, and God knows my neighbours have heard enough tonight."

"You _bet_ they have."

She flicks him on the shoulder.

"Sorry, sorry."

"Don't be. I should be taking some of the credit, too, you know."

"I won't argue with that. You should be proud of yourself," he murmurs, and without needing to glance over, she knows he's smirking..._the bastard._

"That is the furthest thing from the truth," she sighs, pulling the sheets around herself.

He cocks his head to the side, looking at her—seriously looking at her. "What do you mean by that?"

"Shikamaru Nara, for the last three years I've been unable to grow up and get over you. _Three years_. To the point where the only solution I could think of to feel a little more myself again was to sleep with you, while I was supposed to be seeing someone else. And then I didn't stop. Every decision I've made has been selfish, and now I've dragged us both back into the past and just about crushed your heart into a fine powder. Who even knew a person could be capable of that? Of being this fucking level of immature?"

A beat passes between them, but then much to her surprise, he laughs.

"Tem." A gentle hand on her cheek, and she gives easily, facing him now. "Didn't you listen to anything that night I came by your apartment, after your date? We've both played a part in this. I'm just as guilty as you are for the spot we're in now."

She simply closes her eyes in acquiescence.

"And also, just to remind you, you never told that guy from work that you were exclusive. And I wouldn't say _crushed into a fine powder_. Maybe just chipped into pea-sized chunks or something."

She chuckles. He always knew how to make something heavy feel so light.

"It's not anything you've done up until now, Temari. It's the way you handle the fallout that does the chipping."

"I hate it when you milk my analogies."

"I hate it when you avoid the subject."

"_Touché_."

He sighs and draws her into his arms, and she lets him; they both know they can't look each other in the eyes right now.

"Suna will be the last effort," she whispers. "To really understand why it didn't work out the first time. To see if we made the right choice. I'm going to try, and you have to promise me you will, too. Or it will never be a fair test."

"And if..?" he posits, weighing her words.

"...and if we still gravitate towards each other, then that's our answer. I won't fight it."

"You won't?"

"No. I know it seems like a ridiculous experiment of sorts. A roundabout way to what will probably be the same conclusion. But I want to know if it's at all possible to move into a different chapter of my life—a parallel chapter, rather than linear—or if some thread-of-fate bullshit is going to pull me back to you. Across a country, even."

He holds her a little tighter. "You're making it really hard to let you go again."

"We don't have much to lose, Shikamaru. We'll either be happy without each other, or happy with."

"But what if one of us is happy without the other, and the other isn't?"

She sighs. "Then call me a fool."

* * *

"I can't believe she really left," Kiba mutters, then turns to the gruff character next to him. "How could you let this happen?!"

"Me? Why do I always get blamed for this?" Shikamaru grumbles in reply. "She was the one who initiated it."

"You're _sure_ you had nothing to do with it?" Ino eyes him suspiciously.

"It's been three years since we broke up, Ino."

"Maybe, but you saw her a lot before she left," Kiba grins. "You can't hide that post-coital glow. You haven't looked that happy since she asked you to move in with her."

_Damn it, Kiba!_

"What?!" the group exclaims in unison.

"Thanks for that," Shikamaru snaps at his neighbour.

"So you two hooked up again. Why's it a secret, anyway? You guys have always had a weird atmosphere between you whenever you're in a room together. It was only a matter of time."

"He's right," Choji agrees, after the initial shock has worn off. "We kind of always thought it would work out."

"Well, clearly it didn't, since her very public departure back to her home country."

"This is her home, too!" Sakura complains. "She's been here for years."

"That's what I said!" Shikamaru responds, indignant. "But we figured a clean break might be good for us. Since we never really had that after we broke up."

"What about us?" Lee cries. "Won't she miss us at all?"

Shikamaru almost laughs. "You guys are why she didn't leave the first time. She likes you too much."

"So this is all your fault, then!" Ino accuses. "She left Konoha, and she left us, because of _you!_"

"How am I being blamed _again_?"

"Did you ever think that maybe _you _should be making the changes, not her?" Sakura comments. "All your friends and family are here. For you, it's always been an easy choice. She has to lose no matter what she wants; it's been this way for years. I mean, how many times did you go to Suna when you were together? Once? Twice, maybe?"

He stills.

"Well?"

He gets up from the table. "I need some fresh air."

* * *

He lights up a cigarette, instantly regretting leaving his jacket inside.

Sheltering himself around the back of the building, he pulls out his phone.

She answers on the first ring. "Nara?"

"Hey."

"It's late here. What do you want?"

A deep breath. "I'd come to you, you know."

"What are you talking about?"

"Suna. I'm sorry I never put it on the table as an option before."

"Doesn't this defeat the purpose of being apart?"

"I would've moved there for you."

A pause. "Shikamaru, the one time you came to visit my family in Suna, you complained about it the whole time."

"I was on edge about meeting your brothers! But, I know, I should've given it a chance. I've never been very good about getting out of my comfort zone."

"Suna isn't why we broke up. It didn't bother me that you didn't want to come here more often or even relocate; I had a job in Konoha, you'd grown up there your whole life, it made sense to be there."

"Suna might not directly be the reason, but you went on and on that night about being selfish and thoughtless and insisting that was what went wrong. But you weren't the selfish one, Tem. I never asked about living in Konoha or Suna, I just assumed it, expected you to be happy with our lives there—telling myself it was what we both wanted. That my friends, my family, would be enough for you. You blamed yourself for not investing enough into us, but you made all the compromises and I let you. You never fully committed because it wasn't what you truly wanted."

"I wanted _you_, Shikamaru. Everything else was an afterthought."

"Yeah. I know that now." He takes a drag on his cigarette. "I'm sorry it took us so many years to get here."

"Me, too." A warm chuckle filters into his ear. "If only we were the kind of people who could say 'thank you' instead of 'sorry'."

"Mm."

"Well, goodnight, Shikamaru—"

"I'd still move there for you, Tem."

And then, in a move that completely sweeps the air out from under him, she replies, "Move in with me, then."

"...sorry?"

"If distance won't keep us apart, maybe immersion therapy will. Live with me here in Suna. If we're still putting up with each other after a few weeks in a place you once likened to an armpit, then maybe _that's_ our answer."

"I can't just put my life on hold—"

"I know, I know. It was a joke. I was just curious to see how you'd react."

_Challenge accepted_.

"If I managed to work something out, if I managed to move to Suna, you'd seriously let me move in with you? Share the same bed? Eat the same food?"

"Sure," she says, oddly nonchalant. "I'm clear-out-some-wardrobe-space-for-you serious."

"I'll see what I can do, then."

"Call me when you're on your way." _Click._

* * *

"Yeah, it's been great to spend more time with my brothers again," she says as she raids her drawers for clean underwear. "Kankuro still talks about you, you know."

"I'll bet. I don't even want to know what he says. Jeez, it was one time, two years ago!"

"What is it with you Konoha folk and sleeping with your friends' siblings?" she teases.

"Yeah, it's never a good idea. Speaking of, have you talked to Shikamaru lately?"

"Not besides a random call from a few weeks ago where he was posing all these hypotheticals. I don't know, maybe he'd had a bit to drink, but it was very serious and very out-of-the-blue. Is he alright?"

"Better than alright. His whole mood seems to have changed dramatically. I thought maybe you were coming back?"

"Sorry, Ino. Not anytime soon." Then she spots something hiding between her socks. "Finally!"

"Finally what?"

"Oh, sorry, I was in the bath when you called and have since got out and tried to dress myself, to no avail. Finally found some decent underwear."

"If I were a man, I'm sure I'd be incredibly aroused right now."

"Of course you would. I look great in black lace." A beep sounds in her ear. "Oh, sorry, Ino, I'm getting another call. Can I ring you back later?"

"Fine. But put on some clothes! Isn't it sub-zero over there?"

"It's not the Middle Ages, Ino, we have central heating. Talk to you later." She answers the other call. "Shikamaru Nara, long time no speak."

"Nice to hear from you, too, Temari," he snickers. "How are you?"

"I think the more important question is how are _you_," she replies. "Ino tells me you've been in surprisingly good spirits, lately."

"Jealous?"

"Be serious."

"I am. Maybe I'm seeing someone?"

"Only maybe?"

"Well, it depends if they open the door."

"Are you seriously trying to get back at me? I'm hanging up—"

"Temari, slow down. During our last call, do you remember what you told me?"

_Call me when you're on your way_. She pauses. "You sly bastard. You're outside, aren't you?"

"Have been for the best part of ten minutes. Could you let me in? Your hallway is freezing."

"Hold on. Let me put on some clothes."

"Please don't," he smirks. "You _do_ look great in black lace."

"Fuck off," she laughs, hanging up and throwing on the nearest t-shirt as she walks to her door.

* * *

Sure enough, Shikamaru Nara is standing outside her apartment, a large suitcase in tow and only mildly shivering from the Arctic temperatures of her hallway.

"I'll have that wardrobe space now, if you don't mind," he grins.

"You don't have a job to get back to?"

"Meet the latest visiting researcher at Suna's prestigious Institute of Technology."

"You're something else," she laughs. "Because _of course_ you'd be able to work something out like that. You're already 10 years younger than most of the people on your PhD program. Is there anything you _can't_ do?"

"Be apart from you, clearly," he croons sarcastically.

"Shut up, Nara." She steps aside to let him in. "But I _guess_ we can do something about that," her mouth turns upwards into a smile.

"Good. Because the rest of my stuff is already in transit."

She closes the door behind her. "You really want this to work, don't you?"

"Immersion therapy, right?" He leaves the suitcase just inside the bedroom and then returns to where she's standing, taking her hands in his. "Which means, I'm all in."

She inhales a little sharper at the touch. Sleeping together is one thing; holding hands is another entirely. "We're really doing this?" she whispers.

"The only way to know is a fair test," he reminds her. Slowly, tentatively, he leans in and kisses her, differently this time. No guilt, no sadness, not even lust. Just a gentle, secure, _I will take care of you_.

"Okay," she nods, knotting her fingers in his ponytail. "Let's try it, then."

* * *

_"We're really doing this?"_

_"I think we have to," she grins. "Shikamaru, I love your mother, I really do, but I think I'm a little too old to be sleeping in a separate bedroom from my boyfriend whenever I stay over at his place."_

_"It's the family home, Tem! It's going to break her heart if I tell her I'm moving out. It's the highest form of blasphemy, turning your back on a generational responsibility like that."_

_"This is for your benefit, too, Nara. Your mom's not going anywhere anytime soon. Do you really want to still be living with her in your thirties? In your _fifties_?!"_

_He sighs. "I don't even know why I'm fighting her corner. Everything about moving in with you sounds too good to be true."_

_"My apartment's big enough for both of us; and you're here all the time, anyway. It's modern and it's young and it suits us."_

_"She's gonna kill me..."_

_"And remember, we can be as loud as we want here."_

_He turns and catches the coy smile on her face. "You don't have to keep selling it, Tem; that was a big factor in the early success of our relationship."_

_"...it's a factor in the continued success of our relationship, too." She gets up and walks over to the kitchen, grabbing the spare keys from the top drawer and throwing them into his lap. "What are you waiting for?"_

_He gulps. "I'll tell her tonight."_

_"We can tell her together. Tomorrow." She climbs over the arm of the sofa to straddle him and brings his chin to meet her face. "In the meantime, I say we fuck on every surface in this apartment. Because no one else lives here but us. Because _we can_."_

_He grows hard beneath her. "God, I love you so much."_

* * *

He remembers the way it felt when they put up their first pictures together and debated which bedsheets to buy; it's the way he feels now, hanging up his shirts in her wardrobe—making it _his _wardrobe as well, and she's lying half-naked on the bed, letting him. For the first time in years, she is letting him be a part of her life again; not just someone to sleep with, but someone to come home to.

As he pushes his clothes together on the rail to make more space, he notices a section of hers tucked away at the end—an array of small, silky, lacy numbers that feel all too familiar.

"Wow," he comments, pulling a wine red one-piece out. "It's been a long time since I've seen this."

She props herself up on her elbows. "You and me both. I'll be surprised if it still fits."

"You seriously haven't worn this since we were together?"

"Of course not. That lingerie was for your eyes only."

He's never really understood the concept of happiness, but he is certain this is what it feels like.

"Besides," she continues, unaware of the effect she is having on him. "All of it reminds me of you. Wearing those pieces would've been too hard."

"Why didn't you just throw them away?"

"They were expensive, Nara," she laughs that infectious laugh, eyes aglow with post-coital bliss. "I figured one day I'd stumble upon them again and it would be far enough into the future where I could just enjoy wearing them, without all the baggage attached."

"You should enjoy them. You always looked unbelievable." He slides the wardrobe door closed. "But you didn't need the lingerie for that."

She rolls her eyes. "Was your sweet talk always this bad?"

"Woman, just take the compliment."

"You don't need to chat me up, Shikamaru, you've already got me."

He catches her eye then, and it dawns on him just how foolish she makes him; how helplessly in love with her he is.

_How did I get this lucky?_

"Stop talking in clichés and you might get luckier."

_Must've said that out loud._ "Really? Again?"

"Don't tell me you're senile now, Nara," she winks, reaching up to get a hold on his collar. "It's only been three years."

"Three years too many," he mutters, diving into her.

* * *

"What should we tell your brothers?" Shikamaru asks as she's getting dressed for work in the morning.

"I haven't really thought that far ahead," she admits, stretching her tights over her knees. "You showed up on my doorstep two days ago."

"Surely they'll find out sooner or later that we're living together? Why don't we just tell them we're a couple?"

"Don't you think that's going to turn some heads?" she replies. "We can't just drop something like that on them, given our history. And we're not a couple."

"We do everything that couples do, Temari. We were a couple once, remember?"

"Yes, but this is a trial run. A _beta test_, if you will. So let's not jump the gun and label ourselves immediately, shall we?"

"A fair test requires us to commit to the experiment."

"I know." She kisses him, letting her lips linger a little longer than usual. "I'm all in, too, Nara."

He smiles. "So...your brothers?"

"I'm all in, but I know better than to spook them." She grabs her bag, ready to leave. "Let's just enjoy this bubble of ours a little while longer, before it gets burst by reality and logistics and Konoha and Kankuro. Okay?"

"Fine." They head into the hallway together. "Have a great day at work, _honey_," he teases.

She hooks her arms around his neck and presses the length of her body against his, lips mere millimetres apart. "Call me 'honey' again and I'm not coming home. Got it?"

With that, she pats his face condescendingly and vanishes out of the door, leaving him stiff and speechless.

* * *

_"I'm home," he calls as he kicks his shoes off in the doorway._

_"Welcome back," she replies, and although the words are familiar, the tone of voice is not. It's much lower and huskier than usual, and before he has time to question it, she's standing in the hallway dressed in a red lingerie set that doesn't leave all that much to the imagination._

_He gulps. "Hi."_

_"Hi," she laughs at his sudden incoherency. It's rare that between the two of them, he's the one tripping over his tongue._

Men._ They can claim they're a highly-evolved species, but at the end of the day, they're still slave to their primal instincts._

_"Wow." He loosens the tie around his neck, suddenly feeling suffocated by it. "W-what's the occasion?"_

_"Why does there have to be an occasion?" she smirks, eyes turning predatory as she slinks towards him. "Is it so wrong to want to surprise your boyfriend?"_

_"N-no. Not at all." His fingers instinctively reach for his belt, fumbling as he tries to get it off him as fast as possible._

_"Shhh. Let me," she whispers, reaching for it and sinking to her knees in front of him._

_He inhales sharply as she takes him into her mouth. "Jesus." His fingers curl into her hair._

_This has always been her style; a__ performance of both submission and dominance at the same time. She may be the one at his feet but he would give and bend to her every demand right now, and they both know it._

_"Temari..." he growls, a new hunger haunting his voice. "You need to stop that."_

_She smirks up at him, pausing, holding him delicately in her hands. "Why?"_

_"Because I really don't think I can hold out much longer."_

_Suddenly she pops up to her full height, grabs his rear and pulls him towards her so the lengths of their bodies are pressed against each other, the friction of her lace flaring him up._

_"Then finish this, Shikamaru," she hisses._

_He wastes no time in doing just that._

* * *

"I'm home."

"Welcome back," he instinctively replies, although his voice seems a lot closer than she had anticipated.

"Where are you?" she asks, tucking her shoes onto the rack.

"Kitchen."

She enters and takes in the scene before her, face a picture of utter disbelief at Shikamaru standing over the stove with four pans going at once.

"Since when did you earn your Michelin stars?"

"Hey, I was never a _bad_ cook," he defends himself. "I just stuck to simple dishes that couldn't go wrong."

"So what's this all about, then?" she asks, gesturing to the multitude of meal components that were happening at the moment.

"Is it so wrong to want to surprise your girlfriend?"

She stills at the word; the associations. The sentence feels all too familiar, as if they've taken a step back in time.

Avoiding the rabbit hole, she instead replies, "I hope it's ready soon. I'm starving."

* * *

"Tell me a secret."

He looks up from his plate, clearly not expecting such a demand over dinner. "I don't have any secrets."

"Bullshit. Everyone has secrets."

"Not with you, I don't." He pauses. "Are you keeping any from me?"

"No. Not intentionally."

"Then why this question, all of a sudden?"

"I just figured that if we're going to test this thing to its limits, we should get everything out in the open now. Complete honesty, even if brutal. We both have the right to know what we're dealing with, this time around."

He mulls this over for a moment, then puts his chopsticks down and crosses his arms on the table. "What do you want to know?"

"Anything?" she presses.

"Anything."

Steeling herself a little, she begins, "Why did you drunk-dial Hana?"

He looks at her, confused at the accusation. "Drunk-dial Hana...?"

"You mentioned it, back in Konoha," she explains. "Relax, Shikamaru, I'm not some psycho going through your phone. Whatever you did on your time doesn't bother me, per se. I'm just curious, it's pretty unconventional to drunk-dial an ex from a while ago as opposed to someone more recent."

"It kind of sounds like it bothers you," he chuckles. "Is someone a little insecure?"

"Fuck off," she mutters, but her mouth can't help but break into a smile. "I just want to know. However hard it is to hear."

"Temari, Temari, Temari." He sighs. "I'm amazed it's proving this hard to knock this idea into your—usually very sharp—brain. _I love you_. I knew I loved you five years ago when you took Sakura for a whole girls' day out to get her mind off Sasuke. I've loved you ever since. Maybe fluctuating in intensity, but the feeling has always been there all the same."

"...so?"

"_So?_" he laughs at her bluntness. "So, I can't even begin to imagine why this kind of thing would linger in your mind when my feelings for you have always been so absolute."

"She was your first girlfriend, you had so many new experiences with her. It will always be a unique connection, regardless of where you are now with each other."

"Well, whatever the case, I just called her because I knew she'd understand me. She was always a really good listener." He sips his beer. "It was two weeks or something after we broke up. I heard you were sleeping with other people already and it made me angry, so I went to the bar with the intention of hooking up with someone as well. I ended up being sad, drowning my sorrows in alcohol and calling Hana to lament my recent heartbreak," he chuckles.

"What did she say?"

"She just laughed at me and said, 'Wow, you must really love her'. Even I know that calling your ex about another girl is a terrible error in judgement."

"Glad she took it so well."

"Would you have?"

"Would I have what?"

"If I'd called you at any point, to cry and commiserate over a new person, would you have taken it well?"

"Definitely not."

"Huh," he acknowledges, unsure how to respond.

"Don't sound so surprised," she shrugs, scraping the last of the vegetables into her bowl. "I loved you more than anything in this life."

He looks at her, eyes wide, stunned by how easily the admission rolls off her tongue.

"Well, maybe on par with my brothers," she smiles.

* * *

They stand over the kitchen sink; him washing dishes, her drying them.

They lean against each other in comfortable silence until he asks, "Do you still?"

"You need to elaborate on these three-word questions, Nara."

"You said...that you loved me more than anything in this life. Past tense."

"Since we were talking about events in the past."

"Well, now we're here. And like you said, we both have the right to know what's happening." He stops what he's doing. "Do you still feel that way, Temari?"

She wants to pretend she doesn't understand what he's asking her, but they both know full well that she's a terrible liar.

"Yes," she smiles, feeling the weight of it. "But you knew that already. Why make me say it?"

"Because telling yourself is always harder than telling that person. Now you know, this is real."

"Of course it's real, Shikamaru. I invited you to move in with me. I let you hold me in bed at night. I rest my chin on your shoulder when you're working late and wait for you to kiss me before I leave in the morning. You clear the table with me after dinner like an instinct, you belong here. You look so good with those gloves on."

"Gloves? That's your new fetish?"

"Like you wouldn't believe," she grins. "I love a man who protects his hands, especially when they're as beautiful as yours."

He's almost blushing. "I know you're joking, but stop that."

"Oh, I'm not joking," she scoffs. "I love them, Shikamaru. Just like I love every other part of you."

* * *

They are sitting on the roof of the Kazekage building, watching the village bathe in the orange glow of the dipping sun.

She lets her hair down to feel the evening breeze whistle through it. _She never does this_, he thinks. _Always complains about the dust in the air_.

In this light, she is golden. Hair, skin, being. The only thing that stands to contrast is the teal of her eyes, piercing amongst the burnt landscape.

_You were always this beautiful_.

She is thinking about Suna.

He is thinking about her.

"What next?" she asks, gazing out at her hometown with a wistfulness he can't quite place—or more accurately, doesn't want to.

"We could always try Kumo."

"You know that's not what I mean."

"You know I have a PhD to finish in Konoha. What do you want me to say, Tem?"

A sigh.

"I can't leave, Shikamaru. I mean, look at this place!" she gestures to the vista before them. "How could I leave this wonder again?"

"I'm not asking you to leave, Tem," he reassures her. "I'm asking you to wait."

There is silence as she fully reconciles what he says with what he means.

And then her eyes are filled with tears.

"Hey, hey, what's wrong?" he asks, swiping his thumb lightly against the edge of her cheek.

She smiles as the sun goes down over her motherland, natural and effortless as the way it feels here, right now, being with him. She thinks about the last six years, her love and their lovers, his voice over the phone and how she wanted so badly to wrap herself in its warmth. Her brothers, this land, the heartache she felt for every inch of it. The parting, the healing, promises they made in quiet beats at home. In this moment—where all the grace in her life is right in front of her—time stands still for them, and she is breathless.

"Nothing," she whispers. "I'm just so glad that you're here."

* * *

**Fin.**

* * *

"If only we were the kind of people who could say 'thank you' instead of 'sorry'."

\- ch. 113, _The Lady and Her Butler_ [paraphrased]


End file.
